There’s been a lump in my throat all day today. Today is the last day I have a baby. Tomorrow Jeremy turns 1 and he is almost walking. I am entering a world of having two toddlers at a rapid rate and I’m not ready to let go.
Jeremy caused me so much pain at birth. SO. MUCH. PAIN. Tom caused me pain, but I thought hey, it wasn’t that bad.
Then post-birth Jeremy was so easy. Tom took me on a gut-wrenching rollercoaster and only he knew when it was finally going to stop.
Funny how that is.
When Jeremy was born, I remember what I said. “Thank God!” over and over, like some kind of delirious lady, I don’t think I stopped saying it until they finally stunned me to silence when they put him in my arms. This was after they had cut the cord that was wound oh so tightly around his precious neck.
Tom and I sucked at breastfeeding (pardon the pun). We really did. I was worried it would be the same with Jeremy – especially when he arrived a month early. But we were awesome at it. We connected in a way that I still can’t describe. He was the calm in my storm. The peace in my chaos.
He still is that. He can be so demanding and YELLY. And there’s a little jealousy thing going on that has him sense I’m giving Tom a cuddle, even in another room. He will come crawling at the speed of light and clamber all over us demanding to be held too.
But he loves to smile, laugh and cuddle. He rubs noses. His favourite song is Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. He is mostly calm and collected. He is a great feeder and eater. He is happy. Clingy only sometimes.
Very different to this story.
He has had the happiness that comes with having an older brother. He watches him, moves like him, vroommss matchbox cars like him. He also attacks him, pulls his hair and just climbs on top or over him whenever he chooses.
I couldn’t imagine a world without Jeremy in it. So much happens in that first year…I really got to cherish all the moments this time. They weren’t lost in first-time mum anxiety or sleep deprivation. I made sure of that.