I open my eyes.
There is no gritty feeling in them. No redness or puffiness. I squint towards the red glow on the alarm clock and see it is 6am.
And then I realise something. I don’t remember being up through the night. That doesn’t mean I haven’t though, as often I can’t recall how many times, or for how long I have been pacing the room, rocking the cot or crying in frustration night after night.
To be sure I open the fridge and see a full baby bottle of milk. I didn’t get up. After I went to bed my feet did not touch the ground until morning.
A first in 17 months.
It’s happened 3 times now. In the lead-up he started to make some noise but put himself back to sleep. This never used to happen. If he made noise he was awake, every. single. time. Then his naps got shorter and his night sleeps longer. Then he started taking less of the bottle. And now, sometimes, he sleeps all night.
Some of you know we’ve tried everything – From naturopath, osteopath, chiropractor, paediatrician, sleep school, herbal remedies and more. You name it, we tried it. The only thing that helped was the osteopath. I’ve added a host of links through this post in case anyone is interested in catching up.
We also tried the controlled crying, the semi-controlled crying and all those other things. They might work for some. And I’m no advocate of anything. All I know is, when his heart was breaking in desperation to have me hold him, my heart broke in double the pieces. The final straw was when I let him cry (not for very long at all, but he gets very worked up) and when I held him, he vomited on me. From that day forward I vowed that I would NEVER do that again to my child.
Pinky McKay inspired me through a phone chat more than she will possibly ever know. She helped me be confident in my approach and not feel pressured by others to take on their approach – just because it worked for them.
Maybe our next child will sleep on his/her own, maybe they won’t. Maybe they will be OK with a little gentle transition to sleep on their own, maybe they won’t.
But I’m proud in the fact that most nights my little man is now keen to go to sleep. He hardly ever fights it when we are at home. He knows his routine, and he waits for me at our rocking chair – our space. He is rocked, he is held, and sometimes he even sleeps all night. He knows that he is safe, that falling asleep is not scary or a time where he will be anxious, but a time where he will be in mine or my husband’s arms.
It’s so nice to finally see the world through rested eyes, and know that the time will come, when he will always sleep through the night.
Q: Has your time come yet to sleep all night or are you still waiting?