There’s a rumble…deep beneath the ground and I feel unsteady on my feet.
I’m losing stability and control.
I hate loss of control. I can’t go on rides at all. I hate them with a passion. I used to say it’s because it makes me feel sick, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with the feeling of not being in control. I have no understanding of an ‘adrenalin rush’. I just think it’s stupid and wonder why would I want to scare the daylights out of myself?
I don’t like it when I’m not behind the wheel. I don’t like it when someone takes a different route to the one I would have taken, or is a little more erratic when driving. I would much rather it was ME behind the wheel.
I am not into people helping me organise things. I don’t like to delegate if it’s an important task. I just want to do it myself and if I make a mistake then it was my mistake to make.
When I was pregnant I was petrified of not being in control of my own body. I was angry and upset that something I had no control over was making me feel sick and miserable. I had an over-the-top fear of giving birth and not having an ounce of control over my body during that time.
I feel a little unstable at the moment. It’s been a busy week and I still have so much to catch up on. I don’t feel in control of my daily life.
The Earth is rumbling, but I grab onto things that keep me grounded – my husband’s shoulder, the strong walls of our home and my son’s love and laughter.
Do you fear loss of control? What do you grab onto?