I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet

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There’s a rumble…deep beneath the ground and I feel unsteady on my feet.

I’m losing stability and control.

I hate loss of control. I can’t go on rides at all. I hate them with a passion. I used to say it’s because it makes me feel sick, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with the feeling of not being in control. I have no understanding of an ‘adrenalin rush’. I just think it’s stupid and wonder why would I want to scare the daylights out of myself?

I don’t like it when I’m not behind the wheel. I don’t like it when someone takes a different route to the one I would have taken, or is a little more erratic when driving. I would much rather it was ME behind the wheel.

I am not into people helping me organise things. I don’t like to delegate if it’s an important task. I just want to do it myself and if I make a mistake then it was my mistake to make.

When I was pregnant I was petrified of not being in control of my own body. I was angry and upset that something I had no control over was making me feel sick and miserable. I had an over-the-top fear of giving birth and not having an ounce of control over my body during that time.

I feel a little unstable at the moment. It’s been a busy week and I still have so much to catch up on. I don’t feel in control of my daily life.

The Earth is rumbling, but I grab onto things that keep me grounded – my husband’s shoulder, the strong walls of our home and my son’s love and laughter. 

Do you fear loss of control? What do you grab onto?

5 thoughts on “I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet

  • I like to be in control too, planning and organising and keeping everyone on track. But you have to learn to “not sweat the small stuff” (good coffee table book if you haven’t seen it) and just let loose every now and then. Otherwise you’ll wind up like a clockwork toy and when your spring lets go…..WATCH OUT! Some of the things you describe sound a bit like anxiety too, take care. It’s a woman thing I’m sure…caring too much, worrying, stressing….take the bloke attitude…just walk past it. lol. (easier said than done).

    • haha thanks Louise. Yes, let’s just say ‘calm’ isn’t my strong point 😉 but my husband is incredibly relaxed and optimistic so it’s a good balance!

  • I like to be in control most of the time, but I recognise that some times it really doesn’t matter if I’m not. I pick my battles and let things flow where they may, just to see where it takes me. I tend to hold onto my routine as much as I can, particularly where the kids are concerned and get really upset when something makes it go awry.

    Hold on to what you can, but may learn to give a little on some things that aren’t as important.

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