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Tom’s baptism was a little different to Jeremy’s. I remember crying, lots of crying. He cried all the way through it and afterwards I rushed out of the church, and locked myself in the car to give him a breastfeed. By the time I was done, the church was closed and we had to take photos out the front.
At the pub for lunch I had organised an expressed bottle of milk for him. He was unsettled for most of it. That’s what Tom was like. He was hungry and that made him very upset. He fed around the clock. He had formula and he had me, and he had a dummy. He had tummy aches. He had colic. It was constant and exhausting.
And still I complicated it further by never allowing myself to feed in public. As if being in a small country town with a high maintenance baby wasn’t isolating enough.
My journey with Jeremy has been so different thus far. He remains exclusively breastfed at 4 months old. He has never had a bottle. And I have been out and about, mixing with other parents and enjoying it.
When I went searching for something to wear to Jeremy’s baptism I was feeling so flustered. I tried item after item on from my own wardrobe and nothing was dressy and allowed me to breastfeed comfortably. Nothing. And did I mention I live in a small town? Yeah, there are no breastfeeding clothes here. And where can you really find them anyway? In the tiny corners of Kmart and Target etc. where if you are lucky, you might find something you actually like and in the right size? I was beginning to think about getting the Medela out and expressing for the day.
Then I had one of those brainwave moments where I remembered the lovely Trae from Where’s my Glow? had featured a maternity website recently. A quick search had me in contact with Corryn from Milk and Love and I was able to receive the most gorgeous Flamenco dress and teething necklace to wear.
As soon as I tried the dress on it felt right. The fabric is thin, but warm. It’s a gorgeous bamboo and cotton mix. I didn’t feel the need to wear a cardigan or a coat which is always awkward when you’re out and about with a baby and a toddler. This gave me the freedom to move around and still be dressy. It also meant when feeding J I was able to be nice and close with no awkward buttons, sequins or encumbering clothing to be rubbing against his soft skin.
The built in crop top is so awesome! I am really not big into the ‘pull down’ to reveal all the cleavage when feeding. It’s just a personal thing. I don’t wear low cut dresses or tops in general. I loved that I could feed and keep myself covered (and warm) too!
Jeremy did not cry during the baptism. He did not cry at all that day really.
I had a moment at one point.
I went into the ladies toilets hoping for a change table. I decided to change Jeremy and then give him a feed. There was a nice, big change table and beside it, one lone chair. I wondered what the chair was for as I changed him, and then a thought came to me – I could just sit here, and feed him, then I won’t have to do it in the public space of the restaurant. I looked at the chair – lonely, in a cold bathroom. And I left.
I went back and sat beside my mum.
“Oh you changed him…did you feed him?”
“No, I didn’t.” I replied as I made myself comfortable.
“Oh you should have he must be hungry by now!”
“Yes, he is. That’s why I’m feeding him right now.”
The dress started to feel a bit more than just convenient then. It was giving me confidence. Because I didn’t need to pull a jumper up and a singlet down. I didn’t need to unbutton or unclip. The movement was smooth and in one. And it worked.
And I liked it.
And I’m probably going to have to save some pennies to shop at Milk and Love because Corryn has such a gorgeous winter range of breastfeeding clothes…and I really, really want to wear them.
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