Dependency

This morning I was acutely aware of Jeremy’s dependency.

I am his legs. I take him where he needs to go. If it is time for him to play, I take him to the rocker. If it is time for him to sleep, I take him to his cradle. When he needs a nappy change, I take him to his room.

I am his nourishment. When he is physically hungry, I feed him. When he is emotionally hungry or wanting to interact, I am there – giving him what he needs.

I am his eyes. I have an eye on him always. If his eyes are open, so are mine. I am watching for a toddler who approaches with rough hands and rough play. I am watching for cars as we cross the road, obstacles in our way. I am always watching to protect him.

I am his voice. Does he need to be held by me, fed or put to sleep? I hear his cries and I know what he is telling me. If someone else is holding him, I provide a translation as I take him back into my arms.

It was overwhelming for me today. For a short space of time I was frustrated at this heavy reliance, as both children wanted me to attend to their needs at the same time (anyone have an extra per of arms I could borrow?). I started to feel annoyed as I thought about social events that were popping up that I can’t attend because of this heavy dependency.

And you know what? Then he did this, and I caught a blurry vision of it on camera.

IMG_20140326_102522And I remembered  how quickly the time goes by, and the memories get so fuzzy, so fast. And I held him for just that little bit longer.

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